when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
