Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
