How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
