it wasn't lemon gatorade
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
