There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
