Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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