last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
