turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
