hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
