Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
