she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
