dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
