Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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