It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
i out mim tonsoeep
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