He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
