guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
