covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
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