Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
