i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
