This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
