Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
