I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
