I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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