I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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