He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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