I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
