shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Randomize
