do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
