Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
