If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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