She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
