I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
