just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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