What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
