I wish my penis had an off switch
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
