I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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