checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
