If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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