Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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