you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
