Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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