it was like his penis was on wheels.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
