Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
