btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
