apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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