Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
