So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
