Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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