I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I could make wine with my vomit
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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