Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
