I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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