If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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