when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
