I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
