there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
